Kiba's ABC's
by snuggled
Summary: A set of one-shots about Kiba. Includes different pairings and genres. May include some s-ai and het, but many may also be pairingless. Set to a one word prompt for each letter of the alphabet. Warnings: included with each one-shot
1. A is for Alien

_Howdy! This is a set of twenty-six one-shots based around letter-long prompts that I grabbed from a word generator. Mind you, it wasn't completely random. I picked the ones that sparked my interest, so yeah._

_One for each letter of the alphabet. _

_This fic centers around Kiba, obviously, and therefore there are many different things you might not expect. I may, for the hell of it, pair him up with someone random–boy or girl–and I will be sure to give you fair warning ahead of time. I also may, for the hell of it, suddenly breach the Naruto universe and place him in another one. I'll be sure to give you fair warning for that, too. _

_With that said, here's the first letter of the alphabet._

_**Pairings:**__ None  
__**Warnings:**__ Insanity, and some minor swears  
__**Universe:**__ Naruto?  
__**Ages:**__ pre-Shippuuden_

* * *

**Alien**_  
n. in this case, a creature from another world; from space_

--

The pair watched Shino leave the restaurant, alerted that his father needed him for something, and Kiba turned his head to their female teammate. She was munching on some rice, gingerly eating as if it might hurt her if she angered it by devouring it hungrily. That was how she always was–touching things as if they would hurt her without a second thought.

She scared easily, and that's why he knew she'd believe him.

Kiba's face fell, and he leaned over the table, his voice barely over a whisper. "Hinata…"

Hinata looked up at him, a grain of rice stuck to her lip that she didn't notice, her face paling. "Y-Yes…? Is…Is there s-something wrong? Wh-Why are you whispering? Is…Is there something on my f-face?" She wiped at her face anxiously, finding the rice and nearly having a heart attack. Kiba just shook his head.

"No. …Have you ever noticed something funny about Shino?"

She stared at him blankly, the gears in her mind turning. After a short moment, she pointed at him, her lips in a pout. "It's…It's the bugs…r-right?" Oh, she felt so terrible for admitting that sort of grossed her out. She was such a terrible teammate!

"No, I mean…have you noticed anything _strange_ about him?"

Her face fell a little when she realized she hadn't gotten it right, but she wouldn't give up. She looked down at her bowl of rice, her mind going into overdrive. "Uh…Uh…uhm…" Her lips twisted together a little, and she finally looked back up at him, her face completely sure she knew the answer. "He wears that coat even in the summer? Those sunglasses? That weird fro? Um…th-the fact that he rarely speaks?" Oh, even worse. She was the worst person in the world, saying all of these terrible things about Shino…

Kiba shook his head, leaning back. "Those things _are_ strange about him…but have you ever noticed how you never see members of his clan? I mean, we know about his dad, but what about his mother? What about his cousins and second cousins?? Surely he's got them _somewhere_, so why haven't we seen them!? It's just him and his father! And have you ever noticed how every midnight he wanders into the forest at night? What do you think he does in there??"

Her face fell, and dread slowly began to creep up her spine. "I…I just…I j-just thought he was…c-c-collecting noc-nocturnal bugs…"

"What if he's not from around here, Hinata?" He leaned back toward her, his face nearly touching hers, his voice lowering considerably. "What if he's from _space_? What if he and his father came down here on a mission from their alien brethren to conquer our world? What if he's sneaking into the forest at night because that's where they crash-landed, and he's going back to the spaceship to send information back to the mother ship for their attack??"

Hinata stood immediately, the colour draining from his face. "O-O-Oh my goodness! W-We have to t-t-tell the Hokage!!"

Kiba grabbed her arm, yanking her down so her ear was right by his lips. "We can't _tell_ the Hokage," he hissed. "If Shino finds out we know about him and his father's plans, he'll kill us without a second thought! We have to take him out tonight, before he knows we know anything!"

She trembled. "Oh…I…I couldn't, K-Kiba-kun… Sh-Shino-kun is our teammate… I can't j-just…"

"It's either Shino or our entire world, Hinata. Which is more important?"

She nodded her head, shaking like a leaf. "R-R-R-Right…th-the world…"

He frowned, nodding his head. "Alright. I'll meet you outside of my place at nine. We can go and sneak up on Shino while he's in the forest then." He stood, taking a step away from the table. "Oh, and…" He looked over his shoulder as he walked toward the door. "…thanks for paying for my lunch, Hinata." He flashed her a bright smile as he slipped out the door.

She stared at him, trembling a little and nodding her head. Oh…there he went… When were _they_ going to pay for lunch for once? It was always her… But…But that was okay. Her father had more money than their parents, so naturally that was the right thing to do…to pay for their food every day…like they expected her to do…

But after tonight, she'd be able to prove she wouldn't wimp out. She'd prove she could take care of herself!

––––––––––––––––––––––

Kiba grabbed Hinata's hand, leading her down the street, through an alley, and back to the place Shino always went into to get to the forest. He turned and looked back at her, and she shuddered. "Wh-Why…Why isn't Akamaru with you, Kiba-kun? Don't you need him? Wh-What if…What if Shino-kun's f-f-father comes? We'll need Aka-Akamaru's help…" She was shaking like a leaf; he knew she was terrified.

He nodded his head dumbly. "Akamaru already knows about this. He's going to come and help. Trust me, Hinata. We'll be able to do this without his help." He shoved her head down and crouched down lower as Shino walked by the alley, muttering something to himself.

"Shhhh! There he is," he hissed.

The pair watched their teammate look around a bit before he went into the forest, checking to make sure no one followed. Kiba turned to Hinata, and her eyes were wide. "Y-You're right… W-W-Why would he…Why would he ch-check to make sure no one was following if..if-if-if he…if he wasn't hi-hiding anything?"

"If you're scared, Hinata, I won't mind if you back down. You don't have to get involved. I just…didn't know who else I could trust."

She shook her head fervently. "N-N-No! I'm…I'm n-not scared! I can do thi–I can…I can do this, K-K-Kiba-kun!"

He nodded his head, whistling silently. Akamaru came running, and he smiled. "Akamaru's going to protect you, Hinata. So don't worry too much." She went red, nodding her head thankfully, yet a bit sadly at the same time.

They thought she needed protecting? She…She wasn't _useless_, was she?

They both dashed into the forest, following Shino closely but not too close. Finally, they reached a clearing. Hinata looked on in horror as Shino approached a giant black object sticking halfway out of the ground. As he approached, he waved his hand and lights began to circle the object, around the rim. Like thousands of dancing objects in unison, the lights began to circle. Her breathing stopped, and she turned to Kiba, whose eyes were narrow.

He'd witnessed this before. That must've been how he'd known.

Kiba grabbed her arm, forcing her face to turn and look at Shino as something opened up in the object. As it did, giant black tentacles came out from under his coat. She screamed, and Shino turned to see them.

In an instant he was up in the tree beside them, those eyes covered in sunglasses boring into her. She screamed again and he grabbed her by her coat. "You've seen too much. It's a pity you had to witness this, Hinata-_chan_." As the tentacles turned toward her, she snapped.

Oh, she wasn't as weak as they thought she was.

She palmed him right in the chest, and he went flying out of the tree, a strangled cry issuing from his lips. Kiba swore, jumping down as she leapt out of the tree and took a stance. Kiba shouted. "H-Hinata!! What are you doing!?"

She turned back to Kiba. "I–I…I'm ending th-this, Kiba-kun!" Her eyes immediately went back to Shino, using the Byakugan so she could make sure Kiba was protected as she fought.

Shino stood up from where he landed, slightly dazed. He stared at her, completely shocked. "You just…you just tried to _kill_ me, Hinata."

Her legs shook, but she held firm. "I…I know what you're up to, Shi-Shino-kun… K-K-Kiba-kun to-told me everything! You're planning to destroy the world!" He stepped toward her, getting closer and closer… She froze, unable to do anything. This was her teammate…she couldn't just… Oh, she couldn't just _kill_ him! He'd been so kind to her, and he couldn't possibly…

As he neared her, he frowned a little, though she couldn't see it through his high-collared coat. "H-Hinata, look…this isn't what it looks like…" The tentacles withdrew, and he reached out, gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

For a split second she believed him, until she saw the strange, unidentified object behind him and snapped again. She smashed her hand into his arm, right at the joint in his elbow, and he cried out as she knocked him to the ground. She jabbed him in the chakra points, shutting them off. And that's when it hit her–what if he didn't rely on chakra in a fight? He _was _a creature from another planet, after all!

She trembled, screaming again. "Oh no! Wh-What if that doesn't immobilize you!?"

Shino stood, grabbing his arm that was surely broken now. He groaned, knowing this would be a bitch to make right in the morning. How could he explain this to his father? He'd be pissed! She made a motion to palm him right in the chest, to perform a killing blow, and Kiba swung at her from behind, clonking her right in the back of the head with a rock.

She let out a slight squeak before she went falling to the ground, unconscious. Kiba rubbed his hands, shaking slightly. "Sh-Shit… I was _sure_ she'd see me from behind and attack… I guess she was just so scared she put all of her focus on you…"

He looked over at Shino, smiling sheepishly. Shino looked at him, utterly stunned by the entire ordeal. He looked over at the object, where it was no longer there. The bugs he'd sent out to look like tentacles had gone back in, and all of the bugs he'd gathered to make it look like a U.F.O. had all dispersed. He gave Kiba a long, long look, before he narrowed his eyes.

"You said she'd get scared and run off, you ass." He winced, trying to move his arm and finding that it was, like he feared, broken. He let out a cry of pain that sent shivers even down Kiba's spine–that break looked _so _painful.

"I…I thought she would…" He rubbed the back of his head, watching Akamaru lick her face a little and whine. "I didn't think she'd just attack you like that…"

"Even _I_ knew she'd haul off and attack her own teammate if the situation called for it. You sorely underestimated her." He winced, looking down at his arm again as the pain reached a maximum. What the hell was he going to do? He knew only the most basic of healing jutsus…nothing that would help mend broken bones…

"Come on, Shino, you have to admit this plan was _flawless_!"

The enigmatic bug-nin practically steamed, picking her up with his good arm–the injured one hanging by his side uselessly–, and walked out of the clearing, grumbling angrily. "Yeah, until she tried to _kill_ me. Aliens? Where the hell do you come up with this shit??" He was going to have hell to pay taking her back to her father unconscious. Right now he just had to come up with an excuse that didn't make her father question if he was taking her flower or something.

Kiba stared at him leaving before he looked down at Akamaru. He grinned. "I guess I was reading too many comic books, eh, boy? That's the last time we stay up all night reading Shounen Jump. Gintama is _addictive_."

He followed after Shino, Akamaru looking back at the bushes for a split second and whining. When Kiba whistled, the dog ignored what he'd seen and dashed off.

A little bit away, hiding in the bushes, a giant white penguin looked on at them. The samurai next to it grabbed its fin, pulling it away. "It was just a fake ship, Elizabeth. We need to get busy looking for a _real_ way off this planet. Gin is waiting for us."


	2. B is for Bark

_This one was about as much fun as the next one. The next one I enjoyed as well, although this one has a bit more of a hint at something else. So, the next one is crack, this one is just…funny._

_So, let's get on with it. _

_**Pairings:**__ contains shounen-ai/yaoi  
__**Warnings:**__ use of the f-word, sexual implications, S&M implications  
__**Universe:**__ Naruto  
__**Ages:**__ post-Shippuuden; so, around eighteen years old or so._

* * *

**Bark  
**_v. to make the characteristic short, loud cry of a dog_

--

Shino was walking around, leading his dog along on its leash, with a smile hidden behind his many layers of clothes, the main hindrance of sight being his high-collared jacket. He watched as a few people gave him odd looks, but he didn't really care. This was just far too amusing. He caught sight of pink and blonde hair, and decided to walk over and strike up a chat, as normally reluctant to that as he was.

He'd only get this opportunity once.

He approached them, dog walking beside him, and gave them a curt wave. Sakura and Ino turned to him, eyes widening at the dog by his side. Ino stifled a laugh and covered her mouth with her hand. Sakura was just…shocked.

"Hey, Shino… Uh…n-nice…dog…"

Shino nodded. "Isn't he? The Inuzukas bred him well. This one's a purebreed, trained for fighting and following my every command." The dog at his side snarled viciously, and he bopped it on the nose. "Heel, boy. Daddy's having a conversation."

Ino finally burst out laughing, nudging Sakura until the pink-haired wonder began to laugh as well. Between laughs, Sakura walked over and leaned down, petting the dog on his head. "Oh…s-such soft brown hair… And–ha ha ha!–And wonderful colouring, too. Hee hee, h-he looks healthy." She glanced back at Ino, pointing at the dog and finally finding it in her to say a single sentence without breaking it with a laugh. "Should I check and see if this one's been neutered yet?"

The girls burst into giggles, and Shino pulled on the leash as the dog jumped. "Down, boy! She didn't mean it."

Sakura winked at the bug-nin, crossing her arms over her chest and nodding her head in the dog's direction. "Gift from Kiba?"

Shino smiled. "Actually, no. I won this one in a contest." He leaned down, patting the dog on the head. "Didn't I boy? Didn't I win you in a contest?"

The dog growled, and he bopped it on the nose again. "Hey, no growling. I get to keep you around all day. Be a little more considerate. You lost fair and square, _Stumpy_."

The dog fell silent, looking slightly embarrassed. He looked up at Sakura and Ino, whining a little. Sakura looked over at Shino, a smirk on her face. "Stumpy? Don't see anything stumpy about _him_…"

Shino nodded, dragging the dog away. He gave her a curt nod. "You wouldn't. Not unless you saw him with his pants down."

That sentence sent Sakura and Ino into another fit of hysterics, and the dog looked up at him, glaring daggers. He growled, but Shino ignored it. The bug-nin just spied another woman up ahead and walked over. "Hey, Hinata."

"Oh screw this!" The prize struggled to get away, but Shino yanked him back toward him, tightening his grip on the leash.

"Now, now, Hinata still has to meet you, boy."

Hinata stared at the two, her face slowly growing more and more red the more she looked at them. Her face grew hot, and she put her hands over her cheeks. "I…I absolutely _knew_ you two were…"

The dog glared, asserting his point by striking Shino in the leg. "We're jackshit! Like I'd give a shit abo–" One smack to the nose shut him up good, and Shino tightened his grip again, glaring down at him angrily, looking almost hurt by that comment.

"Quiet."

Hinata stared at them, her face finally draining of all of its colour. She bent down, her eyebrows knitting together, her hand extending to the young man in front of her. "Oh, Kiba…you really need to find someone better than Shino who will treat you right…"

Kiba glanced up at Shino and glared, opening his mouth to agree whole-heartedly, but Shino motioned toward her hand. "She's saying hello. What do you do when you say you trust her?" Kiba glared at him, and Shino snapped the leash again, amused. "Do it."

Kiba leaned over and glared disdainfully at the ground as he licked Hinata's hand. She drew back immediately and stood, giving Shino a look that could freeze fire. "Sh-Shino! Th-This is so t-t-terrible! He's a human being, n-n-not a dog!"

Shino sighed. "You wouldn't understand, Hinata. I'm not doing this because I want to at all. See, all of us guys had a contest, Kiba lost, and he had to choose someone to walk him around town on a leash, acting like a dog for a full day. He picked me, and now I have to make sure he acts like a dog all day to complete the bet." He glanced down at Kiba, tugging on the leash a little bit. "He _knows_ what happens if he doesn't fulfill the bet, and I'm sure that remembering what will happen if he doesn't will put him back in his place."

Kiba whined, putting his hands over his face and crouching down lower. Shino smiled. "Now give Hinata a happy face and a tail wag, why don't you?"

Kiba glared for a split second before he wagged his tush in the air, turning around and yipping happily, panting a little and poking his tongue out. He barked again, and Hinata felt a wave of weakness take over her. She stumbled away, muttering sadly to herself. The second she was gone, Kiba glared daggers at Shino.

"Why'd you have to go and make me do this act around Hinata, Shino?? I thought if I picked you, you'd let me off the hook and tell the guys I–"

Shino bopped him on the nose again. "Dogs can't speak. And I can't lie about it, either. The guys are all watching us, waiting to see if we slip up. If I let you off the hook easy, I get the same punishment as you. Come on. Let's go get something to eat."

Kiba growled, taking the lead. "Good, I'm hungr–"

Shino swatted him on the ass, and the brunette whirled around, fangs bared, fingernails extending into claws, his eyes going into slits. "Do that again, you piece of shit! I _dare_ you!!"

The other young man waved his finger, going slightly pale. "Sh-Shut up. They're coming this way…"

Kiba immediately went silent, turning his head to look at Naruto, Shikamaru, Neji, Rock Lee and Chouji all walking toward them. Naruto flashed them a grin, putting his arms over his chest. "Hey, you two. How's that new dog of yours, Shino?"

Shino had to force a smile on his face, despite the fact that he knew they wouldn't see it anyway. "…N-No trouble at all. He's…um…spunky."

Kiba resisted the urge to wheel around and bite him, but Naruto walked over, patting him on the head affectionately. "Good boy, Stumpy!" He patted him on the head again, eyes full of mischief. "Boy are you glad you got a choice in who walked you around. If it had been me, I would've used you to attract chicks! All Shino seems to be doing is showing you off to all of them…"

Kiba bit his lip, desperately wanting to shout at Naruto that he was a complete moron and that walking around with a boy on a leash would not attract chicks at all, but he knew if he'd said that, he would've been breaking the bet. He stayed silent, going so far as to lick the blond's hand a little. Naruto pulled back and looked at Shikamaru, laughing in disgust. "E-Eeeew… He even licked my _hand_! I _just_ took a piss with this hand and forgot to wash!"

The men all looked on in disgust–Kiba paled a little and started to drool onto the ground obsessively, knowing spitting would break the bet as well–, and Neji just looked away like he felt lucky for the first time in his life. Then, Lee pushed him over. "Neji-san! Say hello to Stumpy!"

"Hell no!" He turned and glared at Lee, pointing right at his chest. "With that spandex of yours I could've _sworn_ you would've been the smallest, but you're not! What the hell!!"

Shikamaru yawned a little, smirking over at him. "What's that Neji? You admitting to _watching_ him? I try to avoid looking whenever possible. Nothing grosser than man-parts flapping around." Neji went red and looked like he wanted to close off something more dangerous than a chakra point–like an esophagus.

Kiba growled, and started to drag Shino away from the group, but Shikamaru stopped him. "Kiba." Kiba turned and looked at him, eyes glaring at him pathetically. Shikamaru spoke again. "Kiba." When Kiba didn't respond, he said it again, this time a smirk on his face. "Kiiiiba…"

Shino sighed. "What?"

Shikamaru glanced at him, waving his hand a little. "I'm not talking to you." He looked back at the young man on the leash, bending down, his voice sugary sweet. "Kiba, answer me when I speak to you, boy…"

Kiba barked, and Shikamaru's face fell. He snapped his fingers, standing and going back to them. They all went into a circle, each discussing the situation. Chouji glanced back at the pair before looking back into the circle; Naruto said, a bit too loudly, "See! He even barked when you tried to get his attention! I doubt he broke the bet!"

Neji groaned a little. "It's a pity he had to be the smallest. His super-hearing would've worked out much better when trying to spy on the dog."

Kiba looked up at Shino, staring at him pitifully, and Shino just shrugged sadly. Finally, Shikamaru walked back to them, nodding his head a little. "Shino? Did he break the bet? If you lie, you get the same punishment he does."

Thousands of scenarios rushed through Kiba's mind as he waited for Shino's answer. All those times he'd been a complete bastard to Shino, saying all those mean things to him, completely ignoring him when he knew he probably should've spoken with him. This was Shino's time to get him right back in the ass and torment him for the rest of his life. He'd never hear the end of it. Part of him desperately wished for Shino to lie, but the other part of him knew that Shikamaru most likely knew he'd broken the bet already and was just testing him. If Shino, the only man he could confidently say he loved out-loud, lied to cover for him, he'd be up shit creek without a paddle as well. He didn't dare look up at Shino, knowing full well Shino wouldn't be the only one Shikamaru was studying.

"No. He hasn't spoken a word. Every time his mouth opens he's barking."

Kiba kept his head down, though inside he was positively giddy. Shit, yes! He knew all of those tiny acts of kindness he'd done for Shino over the years had finally paid off! He was _so_ glad he actually took that kunai for him on that mission a week ago, despite the fact it got him right in the middle of his back and just _barely_ missed paralyzing him.

"Come on, Kiba. You can speak up now. The bet doesn't count at this moment. Were you speaking or barking when you opened your mouth?"

Kiba looked up at Shikamaru and barked right at him, and Shikamaru snapped his fingers, narrowing his eyes at Shino slightly. He pointed at the bug-nin, clearly mouthing, "I know you're lying." He turned back to the group, motioning for them to leave but not too far away. They had to make sure they caught these two in the act before assuming anything.

"Come on, guys, let's go."

The group poofed away and Shino bent down, acting like he was adjusting Kiba's collar. Knowing his teammate's super-hearing well, he muttered under his breath. "From here on out no words, no arguments. They may try to disguise themselves as random bystanders. I'll try not to humiliate you as much anymore. Just keep your mouth _shut_. We're both in deep shit now."

Without another word he stood up, walking off toward the center of town, where he knew Kiba's favorite place to eat was located.

–––––––––––––––––––––

Kiba looked up at Shino, his head propped up on the table as he sat on his knees, staring at the other man pitifully. Shino was eating _his _favorite meal–full of meat and everything else he craved. Whatever the bastard was getting at, he had no idea. All he knew was that Shino had taken to placing a noodle on his nose, since a piece of meat would've slid right off. He was taunting him on purpose, that bastard. He wanted to get back at him, but how?

"Kiba, up."

TenTen was sitting there beside them, staring at them as if they were crazy. Kiba sat up on his knees, drawing his hands back to his chest. Shino nodded his head and Kiba shook the noodle off his nose, catching it in the air and eating it, starving for more than just a simple noodle.

Finally, she walked over and sat down at the table next to him. She pointed at Kiba, looking at Shino. "Um…do you mind if I ask your pet something?"

Shino shook his head. "He's not allowed to talk. Ask me instead."

She frowned a little, looking at Kiba strangely. "Uh…alright. Why is he acting like a dog? Why do you have him on a leash?"

"Lost a contest. I have to make sure he keeps his end of the bet. If he breaks character, he gets punished."

TenTen nodded, standing. "Sounds like something you boys would do…" She paused for a moment, staring at Kiba looking up at her pathetically. She couldn't pass up this opportunity. She grabbed one of the pieces of meat off of Shino's plate and handed it to him. Kiba took it from her hand with his mouth and gobbled it up eagerly. She patted him on the head, laughing.

"Oh man, what I wouldn't give to have seen Neji in your position." She glanced at Shino, winking. "Maybe I should join the contest next time and make it interesting…" As she walked off, the two men had to keep themselves from laughing.

Kiba hit his chin on the table to keep from laughing out loud, and Shino turned to him, smiling, though the dog couldn't see it. "If she'd joined the contest, it would've been quite a show…"

Kiba nodded his head, and Shino sighed, grabbing a napkin and depositing some food on it. He set it down on the ground at Kiba's hands and knees, and Kiba wagged his tush in the air a little, gobbling up the food eagerly. Shino smiled to himself, looking back at his food. Kiba looked over at him, nudging him in the side with his nose. Shino stared at him, going bright red–though the dog couldn't see it–and pat him on the head.

Kiba growled, and Shino nodded his head, grabbing his entire plate and setting it down there for Kiba to eat. The dog gobbled it up, looking up at Shino and licking his lips to get the sauce off his face. Shino watched that tongue closely, as it ran along the brunette's upper lip in what he _swore_ was an intentionally seductive way. He grabbed a napkin and wiped all of the sauce off, a bit rougher than either would've liked. He immediately stood, grabbing Kiba and dragging him out of there.

"Uh…wh-why don't we go someplace else…?"

He could've sworn he heard Kiba snickering to himself as he grew flustered.

–––––––––––––––––––––

The group of boys all sat around the table, each counting the money in their hands. Shikamaru looked up at them, smiling widely. "This is the most money I've seen in a while. I don't care what Shino's reason was behind it, I'm glad he paid us off for that phony contest."

Chouji nodded his head eagerly. "Yes! Do you know how much food this will buy!?"

Naruto agreed with the bigger ninja whole-heartedly. "I can finally pay off my tab at the ramen shop!! Yes! One more day and they would've forced me to pay it off with manual labor!!"

Neji groaned, tapping his finger on the table angrily. "You all are _idiots_. I'm sorry, Shikamaru, but you should've been able to notice it before even me, but you didn't. That makes you a moron. Isn't it _obvious_ why Shino paid us to do this?"

They all stared at him for the longest time. It was Rock Lee who spoke up.

"Shino-san wants to treat Kiba-san like an animal!!"

Shikamaru chuckled, scratching his face. "I _did_ know his reason behind it. I just never wanted to say it out loud…" He looked up at Neji. "Why else would he have gotten us to cheat and make ourselves appear bigger with a jutsu? Shino was the only one _not_ using a jutsu. You know what that means?"

"He…He didn't need it to win," said Chouji, scratching the side of his face a little in confusion.

"He knew he was bigger than Kiba," stated Naruto matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"He wants to be natural, like Gai-sensei," shouted Rock Lee, his fist rising into the air zealously.

All of the men turned to stare at him, and Neji shook his head, seeing exactly what Shikamaru was getting at. "He didn't care if he wound up being the dog. I see."

All of them let that sink in, until finally Naruto stifled a laugh. "C-Can…Can you all imagine him walking around like that? J-J-Just walking around like a dog and wagging his ass in the air?"

All of the men tried to picture it, and finally they all burst out laughing. Naruto hit his fist on the table and started to wheeze. "Th-This is great! I wonder what he's going to do at the end of the day! This sort of opportunity never presents itself twice! Think about it: he can do _so_ many things to humiliate that guy!"

Rock Lee nodded his head with the zest of youth, and Chouji and Shikamaru exchanged glances. Finally, Neji propped his chin on his intertwined hands. "Surely you've all realized that Shino isn't doing this to humiliate Kiba… It's not a joke." He met eyes with Shikamaru across the table, and the genius nodded his head.

"Shino was willing to be the dog. Last week that idiot Kiba took a kunai for him."

Naruto blinked. "I've taken thousands of needles for Sasuke. You can't automatically assume those two feel something for each other just by that basis."

Neji cleared his throat. "Those two rarely get put on the same team anymore. Usually they're put into separate teams because both of their tracking abilities are good. Even if it was to find and retrieve a girl kidnapped from her home, they both got placed on separate search teams. Kiba was about half a mile away from Shino. How he managed to hear Shino half a mile away and get there in time, I'll never know. And the fact that he put the rest of his team in danger _just_ to take a kunai for Shino that wouldn't have even killed him? He could've been paralyzed, for crying out loud. He truly is an idiot in love. It's so _obvious_."

"Yeah…but…Kiba _can't_ like Shino like that because two days ago I–"

"Wake up and smell the _gay_, Naruto."

Everyone turned to look at Shikamaru massaging his temples like he had a head-ache. "At the end of the day, you know what's going to happen? They're going to hook up. We made Kiba think we were seriously going to put a kunai up Shino's ass if he lied to us. Shino _did_ lie, and so Kiba's obviously going to be thankful. And you know what? Shino's probably going score tonight. With Kiba. It's very obvious by looking at the two there's some major tension going on between them."

All of the men at the table stared at the money in their hands until finally Naruto stood. "That's…that's just sick. I knew I hated Shino from the start. There's something seriously _wrong_ with him. Manipulating someone like that."

As he walked away, Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "He manipulated the _situation_ in his favor. I say he deserves a medal. That man is pretty damn smart." He stood, rubbing at his head anxiously. "All this money and I have to spend it on a migraine remedy. Damn it."

Chouji stumbled after him. "Wait! My mother has this remedy that will cure _anything_, Shikamaru, even a head-ache! Come on! I'll go get her to make you one! And it's _not_ the one that tastes exactly like dirt, I swear!"

As the two dwindled off into the distance, Rock Lee looked over at his teammate. "Neji-san–"

"You know I only like TenTen, Lee. God. Like _anyone_ would be gay for you… You've got a better chance with a lesbian." He stormed off, and Rock Lee stared at him, his mouth opening slightly. After a while it struck him what Neji had assumed he was going to ask, and he dashed off after him.

"Neji-san, I was not going to ask you _that_!!"

–––––––––––––––––––

Some time around ten, Shino sighed and looked up at the gate to the Inuzuka compound. The sun had set hours ago, and Kiba kept standing up and trying to get away. Just a little farther and he would've made it to his house. He glanced over at Kiba, and Kiba barked angrily.

There was a noise on the roof and both young men glanced up, surprised to see Shikamaru walking along the rooftop, pacing slightly. Shino stared up at the other male, his eyes narrowing. "Hey, Shikamaru. What are you doing here?"

Shikamaru winked at him. "Just wanted Kiba to know the day doesn't end until 12 a.m. When that happens, you have to return that leash to me. I stole that from my mother's room and she'll be pissed."

The dog's jaw dropped, and he looked over at Shino. Shikamaru poofed away, and Shino smiled through his coat, though the dog couldn't see it. He looked down at Kiba, pulling him along a little.

Kiba stood instantly, working at the collar in desperation. "Fuck this! I'm tired of acting like a dog for you!"

Shino pushed him back onto the ground, eyes shining through those sunglasses. "You heard him. You _want _to get a kunai shoved up your ass? Just walk right into that compound. He's still on one of those roofs, waiting for you to walk on in."

Kiba whined, and he took a spot back on the ground, staring at his hands uselessly. He muttered. "I…just…can't stand this anymore, Shino. I'm tired of acting like this. Do you know how much it hurts to crawl around the ground _all_ day? I'm sore all over."

Shino grabbed him, nodding his head in the direction of his house. "Bark for me."

When Kiba complied reluctantly, Shino started to walk, dragging Kiba along until the young man started crawling on his hands and knees again. Shino said, below his breath, "When we get to my house you can take the leash off and act like a human again. I doubt they'd follow me all the way back to my place."

Kiba nodded his head and continued to walk. After a few moments of walking, Kiba grinned wickedly and shook his head a little–he was tired of being patient–, dashing around Shino and getting the leash tangled around his legs. The bug-nin fell to the ground, nearly knocking his head clean open. He sat up on his elbows, glaring.

"K-Kiba, what was that for??"

Kiba stood onto his feet, tearing the collar off and putting it around Shino's neck, smiling sadistically. "Back to your place, huh? You think I didn't hear Shikamaru on the roof? You think I didn't see him stare directly at me and hear me shout out loud? That kunai threat is fake. Here's a fun fact for _you_, Shino: two days ago, I went with Naruto to an _onsen_. Funny thing is…I'm bigger than him!" He put a finger to his lips, biting on it seductively. "Oooh…how did his penis get bigger than mine in the course of a few days, I wonder…?"

Shino stared at him, pulling at the collar on his neck a little angrily, his face turning red enough to see past the collar of his coat, and Kiba tightened his hold on the leash, curling it around his hand. Shino was forced up as Kiba pulled on the leash, the bug-nin's head finally stopping when he was sitting straight up. He sighed. "Alright. I'll admit it. I paid them off for this little contest. I figured you harbored something for me when you put your other team in harm's way just to come and take a kunai for me that wasn't even going to kill me if it hit, but I had to be absolutely sure. How the hell could you have put up with it for a day willingly? You seemed so convincing, too…"

Kiba leaned down so their foreheads nearly touched had Shino not been wearing all those layers, and he grinned.

"You're right. I _do_ harbor feelings for you. And as for my extreme patience throughout this day, trying my hardest not to take you right in the street…well… I guess you don't know me as well as you think you do, doggie. I better move fast if I only have until midnight to make you just as sore as I've been all day."

His voice lowered huskily, seductively–

"Daddy's got a trick or two to teach you."

And then, barely over a whisper–

"It's your turn to bark for _me_."


	3. C is for Crack

_You remember in the last chapter when I said this chapter was crack? Yeah. I wasn't lying. This chapter is absolutely _filled _with crack. So much crack, you'll wonder who's dealing._

_On with it. O:_

_**Pairings:** KurenaiAsuma  
**Warnings:** Crack, mild language from Kiba's filthy mouth, and gross imagery  
**Universe:** Naruto  
**Ages:** pre-Shippuuden_

* * *

**Crack**  
_n. a narrow break; fissure_

--

They'd been staring at it for about thirty minutes, eyes wide and unable to pry themselves off the sight. Kiba's jaw dropped lower, as if that was possible, and he nudged Shino with his elbow.

"Sh-Shino…can you–"

"I know."

"Yeah, but just…just _look_ at the _size_ of that thing! It's like some kind of monster!"

Shino turned and gave him a long, long look, until Hinata came up and sat down beside them. They both could _hear_ the colour rise to her face, like the pressure building up in a pot of tea that was about to whistle, and _feel_ her beginning to tremble. She shuddered violently, staring at the monstrosity sitting right at the end of the room.

"O-O-Oh d-dear… Sh-Should we go…t-t-tell him?"

Kiba glanced at Shino for a split second before they both conjoined in a meeting. Their voices flew by her, too fast for her to hear any coherent words, and finally they straightened themselves back out, facing the table. Their eyes immediately widened again and stared at the creature from the black lagoon making itself known.

Kiba spoke. "Hinata…I…I don't think he'd attack you if you tried to tell him, but…but I don't want you to attempt it."

She went bright red, covering her eyes. "Y-Y-Yes, but why is he–"

Kiba went rigid, the colour draining from his face, finally voicing the one thought that had been eating at him for the past thirty minutes. His voice was a whine, gradually getting higher and higher in his distress. "I…I don't know _why_, alright?! Apparently Chouji and Shikamaru had a bet going and the loser had to wear hot pants! I don't know _why_ he chose hot pants, but he _did_ and now we have to stare at that fat monstrosity right there!! Why hot pants!? Why the hell would you make a bet with Chouji and make the loser wear hot pants!? Isn't it _obvious_ who the loser would be!?"

Shino swore under his breath, gripping Kiba's arm tightly. "Oh, shit, look…**look**. Right there, Kiba. _Right_ there." Kiba ripped his eyes away from the ceiling to the boy walking over toward Chouji, donned in hot pants as well–green as opposed to fluorescent purple.

His jaw dropped, as Shikamaru walked over, saying something to his best friend while wearing the most aggravated look on his face. Chouji turned red and glared at him, and Shikamaru took his spot next to his best friend.

"oooooooOOOOOHHH!!" Shino and Kiba looked away, covering their eyes.

Kiba waved his hands, gagging over-dramatically. "Oh God, now there's _two_! What the hell, Shikamaru!? You just had to sit _right_ there in front of us!!"

Shikamaru looked back at Kiba, glaring daggers at him, as if it weren't _his_ choice either. He stood immediately, and both of the boys–and poor, poor Hinata–had to stare at something worse than a crack near down the entire length of his ass. He leaned over the table, and Hinata got full view of his bulge. Kiba clamped a hand over her eyes, and she started to whimper pathetically.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. At least you're not able to see _through_ these things right now, Hinata. Just imagine if _Chouji_ were here right now." He leaned over toward Kiba, glaring. "It wasn't _my_ choice to wear these hot pants, and because of your stupid teacher, Asuma-sensei says we have to suffer with him!"

The two teammates looked at each other, jaws dropping, and Shikamaru continued. "As for the answer to that question, _yes_. It was Asuma's idea to make you three suffer since we had to suffer. _Enjoy_. If you want someone to blame, blame Kurenai-sensei."

He walked back to Chouji, taking a spot next to his friend again. The second he did, Shino and Kiba continued to stare, unable to take their eyes off of either his or Chouji's crack. A few moments later, Ino walked in, wearing those hot pants–deep purple. She looked positively proud of herself, glad these hot pants showed off her best asset–her legs. She glanced over at Shino and Kiba staring at her like she was an angel in a world full of ugly demons and winked at them.

She took a spot next to Shikamaru and leaned over a bit. Hinata went red, saying something about wishing she was as daring as Ino, and both Kiba and Shino both stared at the blonde's crack, eyes glazing over. _Finally_! Something far more appealing! It was still a crack, but it wasn't Chouji's fat ass or Shikamaru's pale behind!

Hinata looked down at her table, growing red. "…I…I wo-wonder if…if-if…if N-Naruto-kun likes that so-s-so-sort of thing…"

Kiba didn't even pry his eyes away from the girl at the other end of the restaurant and leaned over, patting Hinata on the back. "…H–He definitely does."

Their focus returned as the teacher of Team Ten walked in, decked out in lime green hot pants that would've put Shikamaru's to shame. The two boys sitting next to Hinata both went sheet white, covering their eyes and gagging over-dramatically. Hinata squeaked, covering her eyes and whimpering. "T-T-Too much h-hair!"

Shino and Kiba nodded, and Kiba pointed at Asuma. "Asuma-sensei! Your legs are so _pale_!! We can see the tan lines on your legs, you ugly bastard! That's disgusting!!" He leaned over toward Shino, whispering hoarsely. "Why the hell would Kurenai-sensei agree to this!? What the hell!? Look at those damn legs!! This is _torture_!!"

He sat down and Hinata joined in when the boys went, "ooooooOOOOOHHH GOD!!" Hinata squeaked, grabbing Kiba's hand for some sort of assurance, and Kiba whimpered, unable to pry his eyes away.

"I'm…I'm just glad I told Akamaru to stay home today…"

When Asuma stretched a little and adjusted himself in his seat, it was too much for Kiba, and he put a hand to his mouth, standing abruptly. "Oh jeez, I've reached my limit. I think I'm going to–"

He turned to move and Shino followed, but Kurenai stood there in front of them. She forced the pair back down, glaring. "Boys, sit your asses back down."

Shino had to fight to keep the vomit from surging out of his mouth, and Kiba whimpered again, having the same problem. "Wh-Why do we have to–" _Ulp._ "–endure this torture!? Chouji's is bad enough, but _Asuma's_!! Oh God, I think I might just puke!!"

Kurenai sighed, shaking her head. "Because I'm the one that lost, not Asuma…"

Hinata looked back up at her, her face paling. "Then…why did Sh-Shikamaru…"

"Because Asuma lied. I'm not going to lie to you three, though. I lost."

"Why would…Why would Asuma lie?," queried Shino anxiously. Something told him he didn't want to know the answer.

Kurenai nodded, smirking lightly at the man looking over his shoulder at her. She crossed her arms over her chest, nodding her head, looking very pleased.

"Because it was a contest for grown-ups, Shino."

Asuma stood up, walking over to the woman confidently, that bulge being the biggest thing any of them ever hoped to ever see again. He walked over to her, nodding his head. "Kurenai."

She forced a smile, giggling a little. "Asuma… That was a lovely…_contest_, last night. The results aren't exactly what I hoped, but the contest was _very_ satisfying."

Kiba's lunch went spilling out onto the table, and Shino's went spilling all along the inside of his coat. A few ass-cracks were _nothing_ compared to the images of the teachers that would haunt their dreams for years to come.


	4. D is for Dig

_This one was a bitch to write. I started writing it, trying to get a feel for Stephen King, but I've never been one to read his stories without growing bored easily. Instead I managed another one–Edgar Allen Poe. I'd already written a story set in his style for the Goth kids from South Park, in memorial to him or something like them celebrating the day of his death or something like that, but I decided I'd carry it out into this story._

_Thus, I tried to mimic Poe's writing style (The South Park one __really__ got it down pat, no questions asked.) I know I did a terrible job at his style in this one, but hopefully it's scary… That's all I have to hope for now. Ha ha…_

_I hope I did a good job on this. –nervous-_

_**Pairings:**__ None  
__**Warnings:**__ Bad attempt at the horror genre and a little bit of macabre imagery  
__**Universe:**__ Naruto  
__**Ages:**__ pre-Shippuuden_

* * *

**Dig**  
_v. to break up, turn over, or remove earth, sand, etc., as with a shovel, spade, bulldozer, or claw; make an excavation_

--

The sun hung directly over their heads as Kiba and his dog, Akamaru, took part in a heated contest to see just who had more canine-like qualities. Birds chirped overhead, and a soft breeze blew through the trees, tickling the chocolate-coloured hair on the back of the brunet's neck and cooling off his heated brow.

Sweat dripped from his forehead, and he paused in his excavation to run an arm across it, drying it off for a brief moment before resuming his quest. He bent down, grabbing a handful of moist earth and hurling it under his legs and onto a rather large pile that had begun to form behind the two. Akamaru barked happily, and as the sun beat down on them, he became lost in bliss, forgetting their reason behind this absurd contest.

"Akamaru," he wailed, throwing his arms behind his head. "Why are we doing this again?"

When the dog replied, Kiba nodded his head and resumed his endeavor– "Right! The first one to get a prize underground eats at the table for dinner!" Before the dog could bark and ruin the moment again, he thrust his hands into the earth, farther and farther and farther _still_, until his nose became pressed against the moist earth. He inhaled, the heady scent of soil and wet dirt intoxicating him. He could not get enough of the sensation of earth between his fingers, filling his senses, the light scent of green chlorophyll just barely reaching his nostrils.

He reached a little farther and grabbed, shoving a mountain of dirt between his legs with a loud grunt. The dog barked, accused him of cheating, but Kiba just kicked the rest of the dirt back into the pile, making more room for himself to sit at the hole. Dirt caved in around the sides, and he began to lengthen the hole, widening it and tossing the dirt back into the pile. He continued scooping up earth with fanged hands and tossing it behind him. When he had finally reached the spot he'd reached into so deeply, he pressed onward, hand fisting in.

He reached his elbows before feeling something hard rub against his arm. He froze, starting to dig around the object with bated breath. As the earth lifted, he could slowly see it easing out of the ground, all pale and bleached white, only dirtied by its time underground for so long. How _white_ it was! It looked as if it had been bleached in the sun, though it was far more likely the entire thing had been underground for quite some time.

Discerning the adequate name for the bone–a femur, to be precise–, he turned to the dog and exclaimed wildly–

"Akamaru! I found a femur! That means I win, doesn't it!?"

The dog barked in aggravation, and the boy gave him a queer look. "What," he queried. "I found something first! That means I win! Don't bring up finding something better, you little turd!"

The dog continued to dig, and Kiba went red, refusing to lose to that mutt in their little contest. He would _prove_ he was a better dog than that mutt, even if it killed him! He dug deeper, finding more bones–little circular bones that seemed to be the hand, a shoulder blade, a collar bone, a ribcage, bits of a spine, and finally, a skull.

The skull, like the other bones, had the same bleached white look to it, like it'd been out in the sun for hours and hours. Upon closer inspection, he noticed a small metal arrowhead lodged in the side of the socket, a gaping hole in the back of the head pointing to a cause of death–an arrow had penetrated his skull in battle, exiting into his eye.

Kiba held the skull up, staring into the empty sockets proudly before he showed it to the dog. "I win," he stated. "I found nearly half an entire skeleton, plus a skull! There is nothing you could find that would make up for this! Let's go home and put this on my trophy case!"

His legs muscles twitched, itching to run, but the dog had grabbed him by the end of his coat, growling lowly and anxiously. Kiba frowned, stowing the skull in his jacket, and bent down toward the pup. "There, there, Akamaru. I know you're a sore loser," he said.

The dog barked once more, and Kiba laughed, shaking his head–

"What do you mean? I haven't disturbed anything! Finders keepers!"

Without another word, Kiba started to run back home, positively giddy that he had proven himself to his dog. Akamaru, on the other hand, was far more reluctant to go, and made sure to bury the bones back where they belonged before trailing after his partner in crime.

Had Kiba listened to the pup, he could have easily avoided the terror lurking against his chest.

–––––––––––––––––––

Thunder crashed wildly outside, only slightly deafened by the near-paper thin walls of his room. Kiba huddled under his blanket as another crash resounded around him, and a flash of light enveloped him, too close for comfort. For a moment the room became awash with light, but that moment soon passed and the shadows overtook him once again, casting eerie patterns onto the contours of his room.

He'd placed the skull across from his bed, but now he felt as if that had been a bad idea. Shadows settled around it, in and out of the grooves of its teeth, around its eyes, filling its eye sockets with a black abyss. The more he stared, terrified, the more he felt himself drawn to look.

He looked away, and through another crash of lightning, he could just barely hear something outside of his door creak. He fisted the sheets, pulling them up to his chin, and stared as a dark shadow enveloped the wall–something standing behind the door to his room.

He shuddered violently, voice trembling– "M…M-M-Mom…?"

The voice came out low and raspy, so quiet he actually thought he'd imagined it–

"…you stole it…"

He shook his head, easing backward against the wall as much as he could. His heart beat wildly against his chest, stomach leaping, sweat pouring down his face. His hands trembled; shakes wracked his young body. "Wh…Wh…" He found his voice catch in his throat, and tried to swallow the dry lump forming just above his Adam's apple. A loud crack resounded around him, causing the wall behind his head to shake violently; and he screamed, stowing his head under the sheets.

The creaking moved toward him, slowly, ever slowly, that voice slowly growing louder.

"…you stole it…"

Inside his room now–

"…You stole it…"

At the foot of his bed–

"You stole it!"

It screamed, in his ear, and he refuted it, tossing the covers off his head and fleeing to the door– "I didn't steal anything!!" He fell against the wall, eyes widening at the sight of nothing there. He relaxed somewhat, putting a hand to his chest, and started back toward his bed.

"Just…" Thunder crashed. "…nerves…"

He slid down in his covers, suddenly feeling something press against his leg. With trembling hands, he peered under the covers, sweating torrents, panting heavily. Nothing lay there waiting for him, underneath the covers, and he soon folded them back over him. Slowly they made their way up to his chest, slowly they glided up and, slowly they revealed, all pure white and resting on his chest–

the skull.

He screeched, standing and sliding the door open wide. Thunder hummed in his ears, blood pulsing wildly with each crack that rocked the earth, and as he stood there facing the storm, rain pelting his face, that creaking started up behind him, like something moving under the floorboards. He screamed again, flinging the skull out as far as he could, into the backyard.

"You can have it back!!"

"…you stole it…"

His stomach knotted and a shiver ran down his spine. It wouldn't ever stop, would it? Shivering violently, he turned his head slowly, ever slowly, to the sight of two glowing red eyes behind him. Hair covered most of them, but the pale skin stood out just as the pale white of the skull did. Blood and what appeared to be chunks of grey matter flowed from its mouth, an arrow lodged through its head, through an eye which was now dripping a white fluid onto the ground.

A pale, skeletal hand grabbed for him, covering his mouth, muffling his screams. The blood dripping from its mouth mingled with the rain and now, tears, running down Kiba's face.

"You stole it," the apparition wailed before seizing his neck, sinking its fingers into the supple, young flesh. The blood pounded in his ears as he fought for air, legs scraping against the ground uselessly as he was lifted high enough that he nearly touched the ceiling. His hands grabbed at the hands around his neck, desperately trying to pry them off. His struggling was all for naught, as the hands just clenched tighter the more he struggled.

His hands rose, clawing at the ceiling in desperation, his face beginning to turn purple, then blue. With one final attempt at a breath, blackness enveloped him, and he went limp.

––––––––––––––––––

A pinhole of light flashed in front of him, and he struggled to follow it. The light flickered, pulsing and growing larger. Murmurs resounded in his ears, growing louder and louder the closer he ran toward that light.

His eyes flickered open, his head groggy and trying to get a bearing on his surroundings. Shifting uncomfortably, he found himself in a hole, water and soil shifting against his pajamas. Filth was everywhere, a puddle of water soaking into his back, covering him up to his ears. Thunder still pulsed around him, shaking the ground ever so slightly as lightning touched down and lit up the air.

There, at the mouth of the hole, stood a black silhouette, eyes glowing, a thin object sticking out of its head. Kiba shuddered, clawing at the sides of his soon-to-be tomb, but he was unable to get out, the mud making it too difficult to grab hold of anything. His legs refused to move, so he clawed uselessly at the walls, tears streaming down his face, a thousand apologies leaving his lips.

_Slump_–a glob of mud came falling into his face, and he wiped it away, eyes widening.

_Slump_–another, far more bigger, glob of mud came falling onto his legs, seeping through the fabric and onto his skin, though his lugs were completely numb.

"I'm so, so, so, so, _so_ sorry for your skull," he whispered through raw vocal chords; his throat ached like it had been rubbed raw, and he just knew the fingers left black and blue bruises all along his neck. "Let me…Let me put it back for you!!"

_Slump_–another glob hit his face, seeping through clenched teeth and making him taste all of the things he used to love smelling.

_Slump, Slump, Slump_–the globs came faster now, covering him almost completely, as he tried desperately to pull himself up so he could climb out of the hole. He screamed, clawing at the sides just as uselessly before, the mud falling in thick and covering him.

Heart pounding fiercely in his chest, hands now clenching uselessly now that the dirt had made it impossible for him to move them, he looked up at the silhouette and coughed up liquid earth. It dribbled down his chin, onto the earth that was now close to smothering him. The pressure on his lungs was great, and his breathing had become more difficult with each shovelful of soaked earth covering him. His ears were filled; he could no longer hear a thing.

Then, low in his ear, he could hear the apparition speaking to him in that same, raspy whisper–

"I pray the poor soul who digs _you_ up has more common sense to leave you where you lie."

_Slump_—blackness enveloped him for the second, and last, time.


	5. E is for Exculpate

_Wowsers. That last one was pretty…different from all the others, wasn't it? So is this one. Probably a bit more serious, it includes death again. Sorry to any fans of the person in question. They had to die for this to work._

_Enjoy. Or not. Your choice._

_**Pairings:**__ one-sided ShinoHina; major HinaNaru; one-sided KibaShino if you squint really hard; and ShikaKiba if you squint really, _really_ hard  
__**Warnings:**__ Deathfic, explicit swears  
__**Universe:**__ Naruto  
__**Ages:**__ post-Shippuuden; mid-twenties, maybe? Naruto is Hokage in this._

* * *

**Exculpate**  
_v. to clear from an alleged fault or guilt_

--

It was just supposed to be a simple search and rescue mission.  
Just one little ten-year-old girl lost in the forest.  
How the fuck had it gone so wrong?  
…It was too much…  
He couldn't bear it any longer–

He didn't deserve to be a ninja.

--

Kiba stared at the man in front of him, his face sheet white, still unable to get over what had happened–what _he'd_ done. As he stared, the man across the table narrowed his eyes, his eyebrows furrowing, the wrinkles in his face growing more pronounced. The girl to his right had her hands over her mouth, tears threatening to start streaming down her face. Neji was there, to the man's left, giving him a look that hid no hate or blame from him.

They all blamed him, even though they didn't show it as obviously as Neji.

"…Shino says you were supposed to be watching her…" Her father's voice shook, overwhelmed with emotion.

Kiba felt his chest tightened, and he lowered his head, nodding. "I…I heard…a noise…and I went to go check it out… I…I left Akamaru with her… She was supposed to be safe…" He knew those words meant nothing: in the end, it was his fault that she'd been alone in the first place. He'd truly thought she could handle herself…and she had…until they got her in the chest with enough kunai to kill even the sturdiest of men.

He started to shake, and he bit his knuckle, bowing as low as he possibly could, his forehead going to ground. He carefully placed his hands flat against the tatami mat, trying his best to stop trembling.

"I'm…I'm terribly sorry for your loss… I-I-It was entirely my fault."

Neji stood, his fists shaking. "That's no consolation, Kiba. Hinata is _dead_! You were supposed to be watching her! You call yourself a ninja!? Didn't you _hear_ her with those ears of yours!? She was your teamma–"

Hiashi threw his fist out in front of Neji, stopping him mid-sentence. "Neji, quiet. I should've sent you in her place, but I didn't. It's just as much the Inuzuka's fault as it is mine."

Neji opened his mouth to speak, but he lowered his eyes and stormed out of the room, slamming the sliding door shut behind him. Kiba stood gingerly, waiting for the man to say he could leave. Hiashi shooed him with his hand, too overwhelmed to speak, and Kiba left.

He stepped out of the Hyuuga compound, exiting the gate and trying his hardest to tell himself the looks everyone was giving him didn't affect him as much as they really were. As he walked down the street, he caught sight of Naruto staring at the ground directly in front of the gate to the Hyuuga compound, tears falling from his eyes. He looked so strange outside of that office; and it was even stranger to see the Hokage of their entire village crying so pitifully. He looked twice as vulnerable as he should've looked, being the Hokage–Kiba had done that. Kiba's chest tightened even further, and he turned around, trying to go the other way.

From behind him, he heard Naruto quietly speak.

"I _told_ you to take care of her, Kiba."

He looked over his shoulder to see Naruto staring directly at him, fists shaking, the markings on his face widening, the pupils in his eyes going into slits. Kiba muttered a curse and shut his eyes. When he opened them again, Naruto looked somewhat calmer than before, taking a few deep breaths. How he managed to control himself from releasing the demon inside was beyond the dog-nin. To be honest, his entire being wanted the blond to tear him limb from limb. At least then he would've gotten what he deserved.

"Before she died…she…she said for me to tell you…" He had to fight to keep himself from breaking down in front of the blond. "She…She said she was sorry…"

With that, he hurried to get back to his house. When he got there, he hoped his mother would keep her mouth shut. That's what he wanted. Just one person to look at him and not blame him. Just one person to put a hand on his shoulder and not look at him like he was the worst person in the world. His tight friendship with Shino had been completely destroyed over this, Hinata was dead, and Akamaru refused to leave Shino's side, as if his own partner didn't even trust his decisions anymore.

Inside, he didn't think he could keep it together much longer.

––––––––––––––––––

_They gathered around the fire, waiting for Shino to come back with the okay that the perimeter was safe before they could all decide who would take first watch. Hinata stared at the fire, warming her hands. They'd been overtaken by a storm two days ago, and Kiba was starting to shiver lightly, welcoming the warmth. This storm just pressed it in them to find this girl as quick as possible–she wasn't a ninja, and she didn't know all of the different survival techniques they did, and a girl of ten stood less of a chance against a full-grown woman when it came to exposure to begin with._

_Akamaru rested against his leg, whining a little for Kiba to move over and give him some more access to the flames. Kiba did just that and glanced at Hinata, smiling. She'd been flashing that ring toward them any chance she got, eager for them to ask. Kiba smiled easily, finally bringing up the subject she'd desperately hoped one of her teammates to bring up. He knew Shino'd never speak a word of it, so he brought it upon himself to ask._

"_So. He asked you to marry you?"_

_Hinata nodded, smiling warmly, positively giddy that he'd finally asked. "After so many years, I always thought he'd ask Sakura to marry him… It came as a complete surprise to me…" She looked over at Kiba, giggling a little. "I fainted. I never thought I'd do it again after I actually got comfortable around him and started dating him, but when Naruto showed me the ring…I fainted right on the spot."_

_Kiba grinned. "I can imagine. You kept telling us you were afraid he'd break up with you for Sakura. I suppose his distancing himself from you for a while was just him biding his time to pop the question…"_

_She laughed lightly, patting Akamaru on the head happily. "Y-Yes. My father's really excited… He's never been more proud of me… His daughter with the Hokage of the entire village. He's swelling with pri–"_

_Akamaru lifted his head and jumped to his feet, and Kiba did the same. He put a finger towards Hinata, turning his ear to the row of trees to their left. Hinata stared at him, used to the two doing this when they heard something. She'd learned to keep absolutely still over the years–even a slight shift of her coat would cause them to misread a sound and force them to double-check._

_Kiba finally cleared his throat, nodding his head toward Akamaru. Akamaru took a stance, watching Hinata's back. Hinata looked up at the dog-nin, the expression on her face hopeful and filled with worry at the same time. _

"_K-Kiba…it's…it's Shino coming back, _right_?"_

_Kiba shook his head. "Shino doesn't move that carelessly. Akamaru will help you out while I'm gone, if anything happens. I'm just going to go out a little ways to check it out. Don't worry too much, Hinata. It's probably just a squirrel or something…"_

_He sprung up into one of the trees near the edge of the clearing, waving at her a little and winking. "Take care. Your husband-to-be is counting on you to make little Hokages for him." With that he left, and Hinata smiled to herself, patting Akamaru to hopefully calm the dog down. It was nothing; this was just a routine search and rescue mission. Everything would be okay._

_As Kiba leapt from tree to tree, he kept himself focused on that sound–a branch splitting, followed by a flurry of rustling in the leaves. Where had it come from? He turned a little, going east, and found himself taking a break in a tree. The sound came from around here; he didn't see Shino anywhere, but, as he'd told Hinata before–Shino really didn't move that recklessly. The movement around that branch breaking was as reckless as he moved, as reckless as and blustering as Chouji, even. Of course, this was sorely out of ways of the perimeter. He had to be a third of a mile from the campsite. It couldn't be much, probably a strong wind snapping a branch–their mission wasn't that intense, anyway. They simply had to track down a little girl who'd gotten lost in the forest. No strings attached._

_His nostrils flared as he caught a whiff of the girl's dress. Her parents apparently grew sunflowers, so her clothes reeked of sunflowers and dirt. There was a soft, "Help!" and he looked down. There she was, directly underneath him._

_He leapt down, going over to her. She was huddled against the broad trunk, clinging to it as if it would save her–she was a mess and looked like she'd been cut up quite a lot in her running through the forest in a panic. _

_He extended his hand out to her, hoping she wouldn't get scared and run away. "Hey there. I'm Kiba Inuzuka. I'm here to bring you ba–"_

_Kiba froze. This was a trap._

_Something snapped above him and he jumped to the side as a man came leaping down from the trees. This just caused him to go colliding into the bushes to his side, where there were about three men hiding. His claws extended and his teeth grew into fangs. His eyes turned into slits and he took a stance, slashing them across the chest and turning back to the man who'd tried to ambush him from above._

"_You guys must've been here for quite some time if you smell exactly like the forest!"_

_The man tossed a kunai at the girl and Kiba knocked her out of the way. He swore, picking her up and tossing her up into the trees. He looked up briefly to make sure she'd caught onto the branch and leapt up after her._

_He bent down toward them, grinning. "I'm not one to run from a fight, but I've got my hands f–"_

_The smell from the girl changed and he turned to see a strange battle-weathered woman standing there next to him. He swore, leaping up higher into the trees and finding more men. He smelled about four, but that didn't include the four men on the forest floor, and, for whatever reason, he couldn't smell them. Just how many men were here??_

_A few kunai flew at him from all angles, and he shouted, "Fuck!" How could he have forgotten!? This place was notorious for sightings of missing-nin! That was why Shino had stressed setting up a perimeter to begin with!_

_Dread settled at the pit of his stomach and he strained his ears. This must've been a trap to separate all of them, leaving Hinata and Akamaru in the clearing and–_

_Akamaru was barking; he could hear it._

"_Fuck! Hinata!!"_

_He dodged another four kunai and made his way back to the campsite. As he did, one or two men jumped down in front of him, grabbing him by the arms before he could do anything. He shouted curses, what seemed like thousands of them, and kicked his feet. Finally, he threw his hands together, sending both men knocking into each other's skulls. He ripped out of their grip and continued._

_The second he reached the clearing, he knew he was almost too late. Akamaru was nowhere to be seen, and the fire had blown from the center of the campsite into the trees on the opposite side–Hinata had gotten creative with some of the new jutsus Naruto had been teaching her._

_She was standing there with her back to him, tottering on her legs. Kiba leapt down and grabbed her from behind. "Hinata!"_

_She stumbled back into him, sending them both falling to the ground. He looked at her, relieved to see she was still breathing. But something wasn't right; she was too pale. And that's when the stench of blood filled his nostrils. He saw the blood covering her coat–kunai were sticking out of her like a plot of grass–and the blood trickling from the corner of her mouth, and he went cold. He placed her down on the ground softly and Akamaru came crashing through the bushes, blood around his mouth. Kiba looked at him and nodded, sweat pouring from his forehead. His eyes immediately turned back to her, and he fought to keep his voice steady._

"_H-Hinata, it's…it's going to be okay… Sh-Sh-Shino's going to be back here t-to take you back to the village, alright!?"_

_Her breathing had slowed, and tears made their way to her face. He bent down, trying his best to remember the healing jutsu he'd learned way back when. He really only knew the basics, and he knew that wouldn't even be enough to slow the bleeding. He wiped at the sweat pouring from his brow, grabbing her hand and squeezing it._

"_H-Hinata…I'm…I'm __so__ sorry! I shouldn't have–"_

_She coughed, and he felt himself lose control. He started to shake, knowing it was a lost cause when she lifted her hand and touched his cheek, shuddering a breath._

"_T-Tell Naruto I'm…sorry…"_

_He stared at her, nodding his head before he started shaking his head–he couldn't decide what he wanted to do right now: reassure her or deny the inevitable–, shutting his eyes tight. This wasn't good-bye. It _couldn't_ be good-bye. Her hand dropped and he gripped her other hand tighter, opening his eyes and going white, his breathing uneven. "H-Hinata…" She didn't respond, and he shook her. "Hinata!!" _

_He ripped the kunai out and placed a hand to her chest. Nothing. No heartbeat, no air entering her lungs–_nothing_. The stench of her blood reached his nostrils again, intoxicating and strong, and he nearly puked._

_Twelve men and that woman leapt out of the trees, having followed him all the way here. The woman stepped forward–her headband matching the same as the rest; there was a scratch down the length of it: she was a missing-nin just like the rest of her troupe–, tossing a strip of cloth down at his feet. The entire thing was soaked with blood, and he could tell it was from something that used to be a completely different colour. He ran forward and grabbed it, taking a whiff. Through the blood he could still smell that faint smell of soil and sunflowers._

_His breathing stopped, and the men started to laugh. _

"_The girl's dead. Whatever search and rescue mission this is has failed," the woman said, her voice full of amusement._

_He swore, tears threatening to fall. "Wh-Why the fuck would you do this!? You killed an innocent girl for no fucking reason!? You killed my teammate!? What kind of sick fucks would do something like that!?"_

_The woman laughed, whipping out a few kunai. "The kind of sick fucks that don't take kindly to the Hokage and other idiots from Konoha. This is _our_ forest." She drew her hand back, intent on tossing them at him to put him out of his misery as well. "And now, you dumbass, it's __your__ turn to follow her." Before she could throw them, before her muscles even had a chance to twitch, she froze._

_Faintly, the sounds of buzzing could be heard rising from the depths of the forest. When the buzzing grew increasingly louder, it stopped them all in their tracks; Kiba let out a grunt of bitter relief, gritting his teeth. It didn't matter anymore. Shino was too late; Hinata was still dead even if he managed to wipe out all of these guys. All he'd succeed in saving would be him and Akamaru._

_A swarm of bugs flew out of the trees, covering the entire clearing in a dense fog of swarming, biting insects. Kiba leaped over and bent down, covering Hinata as best as he could. Akamaru whimpered and huddled beside him. _

_After what felt like forever, the fog cleared and the dog-nin looked up, surprised to see the enemies completely gone, eaten to death or carried away, Kiba couldn't tell. The only thing left in front of them was the torn piece of cloth of the girl and the headband of one of the missing-nins–the woman._

_Shino leapt down from the trees and immediately went to them, shoving Kiba out of the way. He stared at their female teammate for the longest time, until Kiba could see him starting to shake. Shino had never once kept his feelings for Hinata a secret from the dog-nin. What had started as a fervent belief that she was stronger than even she believed herself to be wound up developing into complete adoration and affection for the timid Hyuuga heiress._

_Kiba took a few steps back, and Shino's voice lowered. It was barely over a whisper, but he could hear every ounce of pain and anger weighted in each syllable._

"…_I _told_ you stay put with her…"_

_Kiba trembled. "I heard a noise and…and I had to go check it out. It sounded farther than the perimeter and it wasn't you so–"_

_Shino stood, fists clenched, and Kiba was almost sure he saw something wet dripping from underneath the sunglasses. "Y-You…You were supposed to stay with her… I gave you a single order to stay put until I returned and you had to just dick around and follow a lead that meant absolutely nothing! You walked right into a trap, you fucking idiot!"_

_Kiba shook, eyes narrowing from the aching in his chest. "I left Akamaru with her!!"_

"_Akamaru's most effective when he's fighting _with_ you, Kiba! You were supposed to stay put and make sure she was safe!! What the fuck were you thinking!?"_

"_I'm sorry!!"_

"_She's fucking dead!! Our teammate is DEAD, you stupid _bastard_!!"_

_Shino stormed over and grabbed Kiba by the collar of his coat, shaking him. He'd never seen Shino get so upset over anything, never heard him use that language, and Kiba bit his lip, tears refusing to fall. "I…I know… I know she's dead…so p-please don't leave me, too, Shino…"_

_Shino released him, going over and picking Hinata up bitterly. He stared at the blood on her coat for the longest time before his eyes turned to Kiba's hands, which were covered with her blood. He started to shake his head again, every inch of his body trembling, his voice on the verge of breaking. _

"…_You killed her, Kiba. Her blood is on your hands. Her death is _your_ doing…"_

_He shook his head a final time–_

"…_Why couldn't it have been _you_ instead?" _

–_and leapt into the trees, preparing to go back to the village and tell them what had happened. He obviously must've seen the body of the girl somewhere while he was checking the perimeter–even Kiba knew there was no way he would've left the mission just for one teammate. _

_Shino's voice had been so full of sorrow, Kiba felt his insides shatter to pieces. Shino really did mean every word he said. Shino really wished he'd died instead of Hinata._

_He looked around, surprised to see Akamaru had dashed off after Shino, refusing to leave the bug-nin's side, as if if he did, he'd find the man dead the next second like Hinata. That was pretty much the equivalent of blaming him for Hinata's death as well. Kiba stared down at the ground, at the puddle of blood left on the ground where Hinata had been laying, and tried his hardest to weep._

_All he managed to do was bore holes into the ground with his eyes, and nothing else._

––––––––––––––––––

Kiba approached his house where his mother was standing there at the gate, waiting for him. He walked past her, and she grabbed his arm.

"Kiba."

Her son looked back up at her, finding it in him to shudder involuntarily.

"You shouldn't have left her there with Akamaru."

Kiba nodded his head, turning his head back to the ground. Figured. He should've known she would've told him exactly what he'd done wrong, just as he should've known the part of the forest they'd been in had been notorious for missing-nin sightings. His mother always told him what he was doing wrong, and even though he knew she was only telling him to help him grow, he didn't want to hear it.

"These things happen. It's part of being a ninja. People _will_ die, but–"

He squeezed his eyes shut and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"SHUT UP!!"

His mother went completely silent, her heart breaking for him. She put a hand to eyes and wiped at a tear trickling down her cheek. Kiba stormed back past her, back into the street, dashing off as fast as he could. She watched him go, her eyes turning to the ground.

"…Y-You only did what you thought was right, pup. There's no reason to blame yourself…"

Kiba soon found himself in a clearing amidst a bunch of flowers. He stared at all of them, wanting to set fire to the whole place. Why did things have to continue like they were? Couldn't people see it was his fault and just hurry up and kill him already? He deserved to die for letting her down like that. Why hadn't Naruto torn him limb from limb? What he wanted was release. He wanted something, _anything_ to keep him from feeling like this. Hell, he didn't even remember what it was he wanted in the first place…

"Oy, Kiba."

Kiba turned, surprised to see Shikamaru leaning in the shade of a tree, his eyes looking at him sadly. Kiba glared, clenching his fist.

"What do _you_ want?"

"I heard about what happened to Hinata."

Kiba put his hands over his ears, groaning and crouching down to the ground, his head between his legs. Why was everyone bringing it up!? Couldn't they see he was sorry!? Why couldn't they just leave him alone!? Did it make him _that_ bad of a person for making a mistake!? _Everyone_ thought that! Naruto, Shino, Akamaru, Hinata's father and sister, Neji!!

"You did what you thought was right."

Kiba froze, turning to look up at the shadow-nin. He was out of the shade now, crouching down next to him. The man smiled at him sadly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Hinata wouldn't have blamed you, Kiba, and she wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself."

Tears began spilling from Kiba's eyes. That…That was what he'd wanted to hear. That _she_ didn't blame him. That _someone_ understood what he was going through. He whimpered, falling to his rear and putting his face in his hands, and began to sob pitifully. Shikamaru didn't look at him strangely. He simply put an arm around him and patted the brunet on the back.

"You're a wonderful ninja, Kiba. A mistake, even one as serious as this, doesn't change that at all."

That hit the nail on the head. The shadow-nin knew exactly what he wanted–what he _needed_–to hear.

Shikamaru understood.

* * *

_I actually was looking through the dictionary for a word because the word generator I was using wasn't giving any interesting words. My eyes scanned over the page, immediately stopping when I read the world "fault". The gears in my mind began to turn immediately, and I looked at the word, read the definition. And then it hit me._

_Failed mission. A terrible mistake. Blame flying from every party. And then there, right smack dab in the middle…Shikamaru's failed mission in the absolutely fabulous "Rescue Sasuke" arc. _

_And that's when I realized I'd stumbled upon something absolutely fantastic and engaging to write. You have no idea how much fun I had writing this one-shot. Humor I can do easy, but for serious drama and getting all the parties in character, I have a terrible knack for making characters too melodramatic. In my striving to challenge myself to make it happen (that is what this fic is really all about–striving to improve my skillz over a whole slew of different genres and, hopefully, writing styles) I think I may have pulled it off._

_At least, I _hope_ I have pulled it off. _


	6. F is for Frankfurter

_Tee hee. When I first got the idea for this, I thought it was going to be so__ fun. Until I realized that if I wanted to make this into a decent one-shot, it would require more than just dialogue. And that's when I realized this was a bitch. Like, a __major__ one._

_All cower in fear for my hints at yuri. (Wait, isn't this supposed to be about Kiba?)_

_**Pairings:**__ yuri; hints of a three-way**  
Warnings:**__ Sexual innuendoes abound, minor language, and boys being boys!  
__**Universe:**__ Naruto  
__**Ages:**__ post-Shippuuden_

* * *

**Frankfurter  
**_n. a small, cooked and smoked sausage of beef or beef and pork, with or without casing; hot dog; wiener; and also can be used as a slang term for a penis  
_

--

Sakura took the meat into her mouth, letting it glide in nice and easily, brushing along the corners of her mouth. She licked at it, taking in and savoring the flavor. She knew Ino would get onto her for going after meat…_again_…but she couldn't help being so _carnivorous_ sometimes. Sure she was breaking that strict no-meat diet they'd both agreed to go on, but that was just it–meat meant protein, and protein meant muscles. Due to her training with Tsunade, the need to eat protein had only grown, so, naturally, her cravings for meat had become voracious.

She took a bite of the meat between her lips, feeling a light splash as a droplet of the juice flicked onto her cheek. She didn't really have time to care at the moment, and slid it farther in, making a rather pleased sound as she took another satisfying bite out of it.

Ino was _totally_ missing out on how great this was. Meat was just so…

Oh man! It was _orgasmic_!

She made another satisfied sound as she slid it farther in still, biting into it and letting the juice fall carelessly onto her face. God, she was beginning to see what Kiba must've thought every time his mother made dinner or something. She closed her eyes and savored the spicy flavor, the frank peppered with _just_ the right amount of seasoning to make it pleasing and warming all at once.

She sighed happily as she downed the last bite, eyes still closed, a smile making its way to her face as she chewed slowly, then swallowed. She'd never finished one that quickly before–it was just so _good_ digging into one after what felt like months going without. This whole deal with Ino _really_ needed to be broken off. She just missed meat _sooo_ much…

That's when she licked her lips, forgetting she was in public. She wiped the juice off of her face and licked it off her fingers, making sure to slide them out nice and slow to savor the flavor again. When she looked up, she nearly screamed at the teens sitting there, watching her with lusty eyes:

Kiba, Shino, Naruto, Shikamaru, and…was that _Neji_!?

Even from behind those sunglasses, she could tell there was heat rising in the bug-nin's nether regions, just as it was obvious for all the others–it was how they were breathing a bit heavier than normal.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of tense embarrassment, Kiba gave her a wry smirk, his canines shining in the artificial light of the restaurant. He crossed his hands under his chin, cocking a brow at her.

"You seem to be enjoying that _meat_, Sakura…"

Sakura nodded, immediately on the defensive. "Yes. I'm starting to see why you like it so much," she replied with a smirk. The teens around Kiba all snickered, Shino actually going so far as to hide his face with his hand and look away, groaning audibly. Kiba's face fell and he rolled his eyes.

"Ha ha, verrrry funny, Sa-ku-ra."

But she played right into it, playing into their hands because she really had nothing better to do. "But it's alright, I suppose. Not the best I've had so far." She twiddled her thumbs, cautioning a look back at them, locking eyes with Kiba, challenging him, _daring_ him.

"…A-And the best?" The brunet finally managed, feeling the pit of his stomach give out beneath him–damn! he could see why Naruto had been so head over heels for her when they were kids!

She laughed adorably, waxing completely innocent. "That restaurant two blocks away! The old guy owns it! He has the best meat Konoha has to offer!"

This set the teens in a fit of hysterics, Neji and Shino being the only two who seemed to only manage a quiet chuckle. Kiba could feel the heat rising to his cheeks at the prospect that she was knowingly doing this to make him hard…or something…he couldn't quite be sure, but he knew he was enjoying every minute of it.

He leaned over across his chair, so that he rest his elbows against her table, his eyes searching desperately for something in hers, lust and anticipation and that heady feeling of attraction making his heart beat go a mile a minute. He found himself cocking a grin and quirking a brow, eyes smoldering with only one thing on his mind–getting off.

"Would you be willing to give the dog a bone, Sakura-_chan_?"

Kiba whirled around to see Naruto looking at Sakura, the words just leaving his mouth. Anger flared up in his eyes and he had to resist the urge to throttle that idiot. Shino, Neji and Shikamaru were all fighting back laughs, anticipating her getting angry and storming off. Naruto waited with bated breath, and Kiba found himself turning to see her reaction. He flashed his pearly whites in her direction, puffing his chest out just slightly.

Oh, he'd never been one for praying, but at that moment he was praying so desperately, asking someone up there to grant him the most delicious chance of one-upping that stupid blondie.

Her eyes flashed with something Kiba couldn't put his finger on, and she stood abruptly, giving them all a good thrashing over the head. As they all nursed their wounds, she stormed out of the building, her eyes flitting to Kiba for a moment longer than the others, long enough for him to _notice_.

"God! **Ino** is the only sensible person in Konoha, damn it! Men are _pigs_!!"

They all convened at the table, and Shino slapped down more money than any of them imagined he even owned. "Bet she immediately goes to Ino and starts lezzing out."

Naruto slammed a few crusty ramen coupons on the table, and they all knew that was the equivalent to a million yen to him. "Bet it takes twelve more instances of us being assholes before she does."

Neji slammed some money down, making them all look over at him, slightly surprised. The suddenly shameless Hyuuga nodded his head toward Naruto. "…I say four more instances."

Shikamaru shocked them all, slamming some money down and giving them the most knowing look any of them could imagine–he _was_ Ino's teammate after all. "Bet she got tired of chasing after Sasuke and Sai years ago and is _already_ involved with Sakura."

The second those words left his mouth, the three boys took their money from the table, not wanting to bet against the genius anymore. Something told them he was right. And that's when Kiba stood, erection throbbing rather painfully, rather obviously, and he threw his hands in the air like a wild man.

"I don't care if they _are_ lesbians!! I'm getting off, even if I have to convince them both for a _three-way_!!"

He dashed out of the door, after Sakura, and the teens all exchanged glances. Shikamaru removed his money from the counter; they all exchanged looks again. Shino glanced at Naruto, Naruto glanced at Neji, Neji glanced at Shikamaru, and Shikamaru glanced at Shino. After another round of looks exchanged, after about five minutes of tense silence, Shino slammed his hand down on the table, money underneath.

"I bet everything in my wallet they actually agree to the three-way."

He went home 48,305 yen and a few crusty ramen coupons richer.


	7. G is for Garbage

_I wrote this like...a few months ago. And I've just now decided to publish it. Jesus, I need to be more regular in my submissions. Anyway, hope everyone enjoys this. I know I did. I was tired of writing lovey-dovey bullshit, so I decided to write something about the less-than-romantic sides of relationships - the break-ups. Although...no one is really breaking up with anyone in this, but still. It's implied. Enjoy.  
_

_**Pairings:**__ ShinoKiba; Kiba??  
__**Warnings:**__ language; shounen-ai; mentions of sex; shit hitting the fan  
__**Universe:**__ Naruto  
__**Ages:**__ post-Shippuuden; Shino and Kiba live together

* * *

_

**Garbage**  
_n. discarded food waste or any other unwanted or useless material_

Garbage.

That was what their relationship had been reduced to, both metaphorically and literally.

He had no idea when it happened. Maybe it started when he and Shino took up slightly different jobs–him staying a mere jounin and Shino joining ANBU. Maybe it started when he left for weeks at a time and came back only to find Shino was _just_ leaving for a mission and only had enough time to walk by him toward the door, a mere nod in his direction for any acknowledgement. Maybe it had started when Shino stopped being there when he got home, with only a note left to tell him he'd left and that he'd take care of himself. Maybe it started when he went home to find an empty house, having to learn he'd gone on a mission from a third party–usually Hinata.

Maybe it started as far back as when they first moved in together.

Wherever it started was no concern of his anymore. It was a matter of when he started to feel lonely that mattered. He'd stayed like this for an entire year, waiting for Shino to return home, discovering he was needed for a mission right before Shino got back so he didn't have enough time. He worked with some of the younger students at the school during the days, and Shino worked nights at the borders of the village when not taking missions, so even when they had time off they couldn't have any alone time.

It was…complicated.

Neither saw each other, and now their relationship had been reduced to an argument three times a month–when they both managed to be home–over who's turn it was to take out the trash. Shino always won out in the end, reminding Kiba he needed to get to work, and Kiba was left taking out the trash. It wasn't an empty house anymore, but it might as well have been. These moments made him feel lonelier than going home to find the house empty.

Tonight was no different.

"Kiba, I'm heading out."

Kiba walked in the door, Akamaru dashing off into the other room, only to see Shino standing there, bag slung against his shoulder for once, rather than snicked onto the buckles on the back of his jacket. Kiba stared at him, giving him a long, long look. When he didn't say a word, Shino finally got to the point.

"Garbage day is tomorrow. Please take it out for me."

Finally, after so much hostility building up in him, threatening to blow, after so much shit and anger and pain he'd been forced to deal with for a year, Kiba turned his eyes to the ground. Usually their fights were superficial, and Shino always looked unfazed, but this time was different. Kiba's voice was softer than normal, quieter than normal…broken.

"Just…take it out yourself. You're about to leave anyway. I've…I've had a rough day."

"Kiba, there's no–"

"Aren't you even going to _ask_ why my day was so shitty?" Kiba still faced the ground as he turned his eyes to Shino, his eyebrows knitting together. Shino was staring at the garbage bag on the ground, hand on his hip uncharacteristically, but not at him. When the man didn't reply, Kiba laughed wryly. "Of course you're not. You don't have enough time."

"You're right. I'd appreciate it if you took those bags out for me. It's just to the end of the street, in the dumpster."

Kiba sighed, wiping at his face. "Yeah. _Just_ to the end of the street. It's not bad enough for _me_ who's been working all day, but it's a hassle for someone who's been sleeping up for their night job. Why are you wearing your sunglasses?"

Shino blinked behind them, finally taking a step backward, leaning onto his heels. "I was about to head out."

"Why around _me_ now?" He finally broke, putting his hands to his face, too tired from his day to even feel like fighting. He wanted to cry, but the tears never came. Instead, he just grit his teeth and started to tremble. "You never used to do that around the house, when I was around. So why now? It's not going to work between us anymore, is it? When the hell…When the hell did this start, _anyway_? Was it when I said I'd live with you? Is that it, Shino?" He looked away. "I…I really wonder if you even give a shit about me anymore…"

Shino shifted from foot to foot, rubbing the back of his head. "………I really need to get to work. I'm late enough as it is."

"Late!? You've got _plenty_ of time! The sun set forty minutes ago, you dumbass!"

"I…" He fell silent, huffing. "I'll talk with you about it when I get home."

He walked past him, toward the door, and Kiba turned back around, bitter. "You won't. You'll just tell me you need to get some sleep and go straight to bed." He went over, grabbing the trash bags, running over behind the man and shoving them into his hands. "And that's exactly what I'm going to do now. Go take the garbage out yourself, damn it."

Shino turned back to him, taking off his sunglasses. Without another word, he handed the bags back to Kiba forcefully, glaring daggers at him. The look was anything but friendly, and it was anything but angry, too. It was _empty_, devoid of any opinion of him whatsoever, and that hurt more than seeing hate or repulsion in those deep brown eyes.

"What did I _say_? I asked _you_ to do it, Kiba. Just do it and get it over with." The next words hurt twice as much. "You're lucky you're getting _this_ much from me. I could just ignore you entirely like I used to."

Kiba looked back at him, flashing a pained smile of pearly fangs. He could feel his fingernails curling out into claws, the feral Inuzuka nature coming back full force with this spurning.

"So I've been reduced to _garbage_?"

There was a begrudging sigh from Shino's lips. "…It would appear so, wouldn't it?" he muttered as he pushed the sunglasses to block his eyes once more.

The man walked off, and Kiba stood there in the walkway of their apartment, bags of trash in hand. He could easily just run over there and slash his back open, take out his anger and frustration out on him, rip his throat open or something, but in the end Shino would just pin him to the wall of the house with those bugs of his until he calmed down. And by that time he'd be too far for him to even feel bothered to chase after him.

Everything suddenly fell into place: Shino's distance, his request of taking the garbage out and speaking to him before leaving the house again. That was just it. Shino wasn't the type to be rude: he always took someone's feelings into consideration. It all made sense–he felt nothing for him, and he felt bad about it, so he purposely waited for him to get home before asking him to take out the garbage. So that he wouldn't feel completely useless in the relationship, so he'd be able to feel like he was helping him. In retrospect, Shino would have preferred to just blow him off entirely, but since they lived together, it had become more complicated than simply breaking the relationship off.

"_I'll talk with you about it when I get home,"_ he'd said.

He was probably biding his time before breaking it off. Waiting as long as he possibly could without pulling out that fucking "ace in the hole" or whatever the hell he rambled on about during battle. Kiba's face fell, but he sucked it up and set out for the dumpster at the end of the street.

As he walked, he couldn't help but feel his entire body trembling. They'd both agreed to live together, to spend the rest of their lives together. Perhaps Shino had assumed he'd get killed off in battle earlier than their relationship had lasted? Perhaps he'd gotten tired of it halfway through? Perhaps there was someone else in the picture? The theory had enough hints to create something suspicious, after all: skipping out on everything and telling _Hinata_ he was going out on a mission when he wouldn't even tell his own lover. That was just…

That was _low_, even for Shino.

As the thoughts began to consume him, his mind started to wander and he found himself halfway to the trashcan when the bottom gave out on the trash bag and the contents spilled out all over the ground. The brunet swore, and a breeze whipped by, taking a few scraps of paper and a few bills with it.

Reaching out to grab them, his hand was caught short by the sight of a hand already grabbing it. Kiba swallowed and closed his eyes, finally starting to shake. No, no, no, no. This was the _last_ thing he wanted. He never wanted–

"Need help, Kiba?"

Kiba shook his head and took a deep breath. "N…N-No. I'm f-fine. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"I was taking a walk. I don't take night jobs like Shino. Well, I _can't_ as often since I need shadows to do anything effectively…"

"Shikamaru…"

The man walked back over and handed him the loose papers, giving him a kind, understanding smile. "I've got plenty of time. I wasn't planning on doing anything, so it's fine." He started gathering up the trash, and finally turned to look at the brunet. "I'm going to help you whether you want my help or not. It's the least I could do for dropping by at such a late hour."

Kiba stared at him, dumbfounded. "You…you were coming for a visit? But it's… Didn't I see you earlier today? Your new students were pissing me off and you had to get them to leave me alone."

Shikamaru didn't say a single word more as he gathered up his things and started to walk away, toward the dumpster. When he'd deposited the trash into it, he came back for the second trip, and Kiba could see the colour in his face bright and clear. They both stood there for a while, the garbage tainting the lawn.

"I can't help wanting to stop by to see you, so I figured I might as well get around to doing it today," he finally said, scratching his head. "I mean…it's got to be lonely watching Shino leave every night only to know you won't be able to see him the next day or the day after that." He bent back down and stared at the trash, starting to gather some of it up–an old banana peel he skipped over to save it for last–as he hid his face. "Thought I'd cheer you up."

The dog-nin began to shake and bent down, trying his hardest to keep himself together as he gathered up some more trash to help the Samaritan out. "…Th…" His voice faltered and he felt his eyes trailing down to the other man's hands. "…You don't have to help. I know you're lazy…"

"Only with the things that don't matter." He paused and nodded his head, looking the brunet straight in the eye. "And trust me, Kiba, you do matter."

When Kiba began to tremble, Shikamaru just sighed and stood up with the garbage he'd collected. "Why don't you go back inside and I'll do this for you…"

Kiba wiped at his eyes, shaking his head sadly. "N…No. That wouldn't be right."

"Alright. Let's try and hurry then. You're probably exhausted from work, right?"

They both set about to picking up the trash in silence. When they'd finally picked up everything as best as they could and dumped it in the trash, Kiba finally stood there in front of the dumpster. He rubbed the back of his head, groaning.

"Today is just…shitty. First your students attack me when I'm visiting the school, then Akamaru runs off and gets himself in trouble again and I have to pay a pretty hefty fine for all the damages he caused, and then Sakura decides I need to try training again and kicks my ass to the curb. And now _this_ shit… I know…whatever was between us is gone." He put his face in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut, stomping his foot on the ground. The time for shock was over and now the time for anger came full swing. He slammed his fist into the dumpster, sending a jarring metal clang echoing through the streets.

"Fuck him! Fuck him straight to hell, that jackass!!"

Shikamaru sighed and took a few steps back, choosing to merely observe rather than get involved. It wasn't too different from his normal actions, but this instance was more endearing. He preferred to let Kiba sort things out for himself before bringing anything up.

Kiba screamed even louder, causing a few lights around the street to flicker on and for a few people to poke their heads out at him and yell at him to shut up. He squatted toward the ground, fisting claws into matted, sweaty, dirty brown locks. His breathing came out in heavy pants, and he finally put his hands to his face, starting to tremble and shake his head back and forth.

"Fuck _me_, I should've seen it. I _did_ see it, but I did absolutely nothing to prevent it. I hoped he'd do something. I finally decide to confront him about it today and…and maybe I'm too late. Maybe if…I…" He shook his head again. "Maybe if I'd confronted him when I first started noticing the signs we could've worked something out…"

"I…don't think there was anything you could've done to save it, Kiba," Shikamaru finally mumbled. He crouched down and placed a hand on Kiba's shoulder, frowning.

"I should've realized," Kiba continued, "when he started wearing those sunglasses around me again. He used to _always_ remove them around me, because I told him I liked seeing him looking at me with adoration and shit. And then he just…" He tugged on his hair, grinding his teeth together. "He fucking started wearing them again to hide the fact that he didn't give two shits about me anymore."

"Kiba…"

"This is all _my_ fault. I must've done something or pissed him off somehow. It's gotta be because I stopped taking so many missions with him. We drifted apart and I never even tried to make time for us. I know he likes his space and I know he enjoys silence over my loud antics, so I just…" He groaned. "So I shut up and assumed he viewed is as _endearing_!!"

"Kiba, don't beat yourself up over this. It was all Shino. He often spoke to me about it every time we went on missions."

"What did he say? He told you _everything_, didn't he?" The brunet grabbed the shadow-wielder's vest and shook him a little. "What the fuck did he tell you!? He probably said I was annoying, didn't he!? I was clingy! I spoke too much and he hated Akamaru's farts! I just _know_ it was Akamaru's farts! Maybe it was mine, I dunno! What the hell did he tell you!?"

Shikamaru sighed, knitting his eyebrows together. "He just told me it stopped being fun for him. It wasn't anything you did. He just started viewing you the same as he did when you were first kids, when you were friends. He just…started thinking of you as more of a friend again."

"We've had _sex_, Shikamaru! You can't just _suddenly_ think of someone as a friend after having sex with them!! If that's the case, there was never a connection to begin with! That fucking asshole! He's a jackass! What did he think I _was_!? A friend with _benefits_!? God damn it!"

"Shut the hell up down there!"

Kiba snarled, lifting his eyes to the window. "I'll shut the hell up when the crisis is over!"

Shikamaru pushed Kiba away, sighing. "We should go back to your place and discuss it where we _won't_ be bothering the neighbors, Kiba. That's the reason why I came over in the first place."

"Just tell me everything he told you and I will. He must've given you some reasons other than that. I wasn't sexy enough or I didn't capture his interest. He got _tired_ of me, didn't he?"

Shikamaru laughed. "No one could get tired of you, Kiba. I think Shino's the only one. To be honest, he barely talked about you at all. It was all about how living with you made him realize he just liked the foreplay and that was about it."

Kiba frowned, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "See? That's what I get for dating teammates. I should've known it'd wind up like this. Even from the beginning, he had to assure me constantly before I believed he meant what he said. And then it just… God, that's the last time I get involved with a teammate."

Shikamaru leaned over before Kiba could respond and planted a quick, chaste kiss in the corner of his lips. When he pulled back, he shoved his hands in his pockets, giving Kiba a soft smile.

"I don't _technically_ count as a teammate, do I?"

Kiba stood there for a moment stunned, until finally he rubbed at his cheek. He glanced away and took a deep breath, sighing. He knew it would end just as badly as it did with Shino; he _knew_ it would be a bad idea, but right now he just wanted _something_ to hold onto and keep him grounded. Logically, he knew it wasn't going to do him any good in the long run, but…but…

"Fuck it," he breathed, before pouncing.

Without words, his answer rang out a clear and concise "No."


End file.
